So you’re looking to spice up a night with your lover. Maybe try something a little naughty. Your partner wants you to take more control in bed, but you’ve always thought that was a little too “hardcore”. It doesn’t need to be!

In this post on the RF Blog, we look at four common misconceptions about bondage and BDSM play that may be holding you back from exploring new heights of pleasure.


Myth 1: Let’s define the phrase, ‘weird fetish’ shall we…

A fetish is a specific act, way, or toy that helps heighten your pleasure. But remember, ‘weird’ is totally subjective. If you define ‘weird’ as nothing more than something out of the main stream, weird loses the negative stigma attached. Maybe you like to eat fried pigs feet or enjoy a 10 mile run on your day off. That brings pleasure to you, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. They may prefer a day on the couch or sipping coffee for a few hours alone. The point is, you don’t know what brings you pleasure until you try it.

Myth 2: It must be "cruel and sadistic"...

Based on stereotypes, it may seem the dominator takes control and punishes the submissive lover at will. In actuality, the submissive partner places their trust with the dominant partner to not abuse the power freely given up. You can look at it as the most simplistic form of the command and reward system. The dominant lover guides the submissive on how to pleasure and lavishes them with attention for a job well done. If the submissive fails or refuses to fulfil the dominant’s request, punishments may be given.

There are two things to keep in mind regarding this power play. Most couples will use a safe word, as an example ‘Melbourne’. If the submissive refuses to do something for the purposes of defying the dominant partner, they will say no, knowing that a punishment will result. If the submissive refuses to do something because they are not comfortable with the action or situation, they will use the safe word, saying ‘Melbourne’. This way the dominator knows to move on to something else with no further punishment given to the submissive. The other thing to keep in mind is punishment does not always mean pain. Punishment with bondage and BDSM can mean lashes with a whip or being tied up, but it can also mean lack of attention, confiscation of toys, withholding further pleasure, etc. Usually the punishments are discussed and agreed upon before playing begins.

Myth 3: The submissive has no say...

Both partners should always have a say. Usually a discussion of what is expected and comfort zones happen prior to playing so the submissive can fully enjoy being in the non-dominant position. This is your body and your pleasure. Both partners should always respect the comfort level and work within those guidelines. It may not work out well to just tie your partner up and act out your fantasies with no discussion beforehand of the expectations and guidelines of pleasure.

Myth 4: Once you submit, you can never dominate...

A common misconception between partners looking to experiment in bondage and BDSM is that one always should be dominant and the other should always be submissive. Between lovers, it definitely doesn’t have to be that way. One night you can be in control and the next you submit to your partner. It can even switch during the same night. This is why a discussion prior to playing is so beneficial.