In our last feature “Understanding Polyamory”, RandyFox explored the foundations of polyamory – what it is actually about, how it differs from polygamy, and the types of polyamory. In this article, we delve into the topic a little bit more and debunk the myths around it.

The short answer to what is polyamory is that it is the act of having intimate relationships with more than one person at the same time. It is a consensual or a form of ethical non-monogamy since everyone in the relationship consents to this set-up.

Polyamory is slowly gaining traction in that more and more people are coming out as being part of one. However, there are a lot of stigma and myths surrounding this matter. As such, RandyFox thought it would be awesome to debunk some of the most common myths.

 

MYTH 1: Polyamory is just about having a lot of sex and “orgies”.

Polyamory is not just about sex. It is about seeking deeper connections. Admittedly, the process of seeking deeper connections with other people will usually involve sex but it doesn’t revolve around it. In fact, a lot of people get into polyamory because they’re interested in romantic relationships without sex. "There are a lot of people in the polyamorous community who identify as [asexual],” says Dedeker Winston, author of The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory. “They find polyamory appealing because they can still have an emotional, romantic relationship—or multiple relationships—but their partners aren't also forced to be asexual or celibate.”

On the other hand, that idea that orgies are a common occurrence or that it happens every time is wrong. Yes, it can happen. This is not discounted but the case is far from that. A 26-year old polyamory practitioner in Sydney who identifies as asexual said that polyamory is a way to bond and share your love with more than one person and to show. “I am more inclined to look for romantic partners than I am to look for sexual partners.”, the practitioner said.

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MYTH 2: Polyamory is for people who don’t want to commit.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Polyamory takes a lot of commitment and effort. Imagine the traditional monogamous relationship. Surely, there have been times when you they struggle to have quality time with significant others because of work and other commitments. Now imagine having to squeeze quality time for more than one person. So yes, it takes an insurmountable commitment to be in a polyamorous relationship.

 

MYTH 3: Polyamory is just a fancy word for cheating.

Polyamory does not equate to cheating. In fact, polyamorous people can get cheated on and experience the same feelings of betrayal and heartbreak. Many people confused polyamory with being able to do what they want without being accountable to their partners, but this is not so. Cheating can occur in a polyamorous relationship if they started seeing someone else without telling their partners. Remember that one of the basic foundations of the relationship is openness and communication.

 

MYTH 4: In polyamory, you love your partners less than you would in a traditional monogamous relationship.

Polyamory does not mean that you love a partner less, it just means that you have love for other people as well. Polyamory allows the people in the relationship to love their partners in their own terms – who they want, how they want, and for how long – with the consent of all the other partners in the relationship involved.

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MYTH 5: Polyamorous people just haven’t found “the one”.

The traditional view that having one person complete another, or being one person being every and all things for them and that they, in turn, need to be everything for one person, is just too much pressure and too much in general for people in polyamorous relationships. As such, for polyamorous people, they understand that there are many other forms of romantic structures, and that it is possible and reasonable to love more than one person yet still maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

 

MYTH 6: Polyamorous relationships have more pressure because they juggle multiple people.

In actuality, polyamorous people find the “work” in the relationship a tad easier. It relieves them from the pressure of having to so something they don’t want just because their partner doesn’t want to. Their setup lets them fulfill lots of different needs and wants. The way it works in polyamory, if one partner does not want to go do something, then another partner can step in. Or if a partner is busy while the other needs support, someone else could be free.

 

 RandyFox is a believer of freedom of choice. RandyFox aims to inform but is not tempting anyone to be in polyamorous relationships. Always, your choice.