The conversation that surrounds female pleasure and the ability to achieve an orgasm has always been shrouded in a little bit of mystery. With 10-40% of women having never achieved this earth-shattering experience and up to 50% never orgasming during sexual intercourse, it leads us to wonder why there is such a large pleasure gap between men and women.  While we know that a woman requires both the physical act and an emotional connection, there are other factors that heavily influence one’s ability, including the type of stimulation being given, the kind of sexual activity one is involved in, and whether there are psychological factors at play like anxiety and a lack of sexual arousal. Fortunately, if you are in this situation, you do not have to go without in the bedroom any longer! Please check out our 12 tips for achieving that orgasm you’ve always dreamed and enjoy having a little more explosiveness in getting off.

 

  1. Consider Exercising Right Before Fun Time! Did you know that a female’s sexual arousal is deeply linked to the body’s ability to oxygenate? Basically, the more oxygen we get through our blood, the better our ability to become sexually aroused. One way to get our bodies to react more intensely during sexual intercourse is by exercising twenty minutes beforehand, increasing the amount of blood flow that we have to our intimate areas. This, in turn, can help us become more naturally aroused, increase natural lubrication, and help us climax easier.

 

  1. Foreplay Is Critical for Increased Pleasure and Successful Orgasms.  With men, it’s very easy to understand how they become sexually aroused. A little visual stimulation here and some touch there, and they can become “ready” to go within mere seconds to minutes. For females, this isn’t the case and it’s a lot harder to tell when we are “ready” and erect. Yes, the clitoris does have an erect state just like a male’s penis, and when it becomes erect, it is also ready for orgasm. For this to happen though, a woman needs things like a lot of kissing, caresses, hugs, and other forms of “turn-ons” that make her tick.  As the female in the scenario, you need to tell your partner where to touch you, where your erogenous zones are, and what type of “talk” or atmosphere you require to be aroused.

 

  1. Become Comfortable with Your Body & Your Fantasies!  If you are not comfortable in your own skin, you may be psychologically blocking yourself from having a good time. You may feel distracted during sex, uncomfortable with certain parts of your body, or anxious about how your partner perceives you. All of this will stop orgasms dead in their tracks. If this is you, make time for self-exploration. Learn your curves, learn your favourite parts of your body, and learn which zones are sensitive to arousal. On the mental side of the game, indulge in those fantasies and become comfortable with them! Kinks are completely common and very enjoyable for almost everyone involved; so, don’t be shy about letting them out, even if it is a little bit at a time.

 

  1. Try Keeping Your Bedroom Lighthearted & Fun with Toys.  When you bring sex toys into the mix, whether you are using them solo or with a partner, they can create a fun dynamic while still encouraging self-discovery. No matter what position is your favourite, no matter what type of sexual intercourse you are into, toys can be incorporated in. Tease yourself with them! Relax your body and allow yourself to truly feel the toy against your skin; because when you do, you’ll find out quickly what does it for you. Also don’t be scared to try new erogenous areas that you’ve never tried before; gently test behind the knees, follow the curves of your hips, and even get a partner to play around your back thighs. You’ll become more aware of yourself while still having lighthearted fun.

Sex Toys Can Help...

 

  1. Understand That Stability Plays a Role in Your Orgasm Potential. While it may seem like those who have had more sexual partners and experience have had all the fun and are therefore, more “in tune” with their bodies and are thus, more able to achieve orgasm, research shows the opposite.  Those in stable relationships who have less sexual baggage, end up having better orgasms than those who are left unsatisfied by a “new person”. Plus, it is harder to achieve an orgasm with a new individual as your partner might not know how to help you get there and you may not know how to fully open yourselves up to them. Want to achieve orgasm? Communicate, practice, and involve yourself in a stable relationship.

 

  1. Drop the Penetration Acts & Only Use Oral.  Most women require clitoral stimulation in order to climax, yet many of us jump straight to traditional penetration sex because that’s what sex is all about, right? Nah, drop the penetration acts and pick up a few sessions of just oral throughout the week.  It will help you become more familiar with the feelings of climax, it will show you what it feels like for your clitoris to become erect, and it will help teach your partner about what works for you. Plus, if you’re with a male partner, we think he’s probably going to be pretty into these oral sex sessions!

 

  1. Focus Less on Him & More on You! Are you naturally an anxious person? Do you have a fear of rejection or are you overly attached to your partner? Those who are anxious, depressed, or chronically stressed find reaching orgasm almost impossible. When you focus too much on your partner in the moment, you lose touch with your own desires. How does your partner's movements feel? Hone in on or narrow your focus down to exactly what you are physically feeling in the moment, catch it, and ride it all the way to an orgasm. When you focus solely on yourself and how good it feels, and less on how sweaty you two are or whether he (or she) is enjoying themselves, you allow both of you to free flow in the moment. Tapping into yourself like this will ramp up your desire and in turn, your partner’s desire, leading to greater sexual satisfaction.

 

  1. Watch the Breathlessness! Have you ever caught yourself taking very shallow breaths as you are going at it? Yup, we have all been there and it can be very difficult to eliminate those shallow, excited, and gaspy breaths but if you breathe deeply and evenly, it allows your body to continue with its gradual climb to climax. We are now finding out more and more about how being mindful and breathing deeply can help the whole sexual experience. When you breathe in a shallow and excited way, you pull your body’s attention away from what is happening down there and up towards your chest/heart.

 

  1. Own It. What Do You Want? Get It!  Whether you have found something that is incredibly hot during a solo session or just want more out of your partner sessions, make sure that you own it and voice it. Want him to go harder? Want to arch your back? Want him to move his hands to your hips? Tell him! Communicate your desires with short verbal commands and watch as your body responds to him. If this type of thing makes you feel shy, have a conversation about it prior to sexy time. Talk to your partner about your erogenous zones, specifically about how you want them touched, and then give him (or her) the opportunity during sexual playtime to give them to you. Maybe you like a lot of clitoral stimulation or a combination of clitoral and penetration; regardless of what you like, make a note of it and communicate it.

 

  1.  Eat Those Nuts! Literally! No, we don’t mean his nuts; well you can if you want to and he’s into that sort of thing. Literally increase your intake of nuts, as these can increase your body’s blood flow and the healthy fats from them can increase your libido. If you have vaginal dryness or find that you need a lot of lubricant during sexual intercourse, nuts can help minimise this. If nuts aren’t your thing, but you like seafood, consider grabbing some oysters or shellfish as these can increase your production of estrogen and this, increase your ability to experience sexual desire. Oh, and, grab a glass or two of red wine while you’re at it!

 

  1.  Stop and Start Tease Play.  Try using the start-and-stop tease technique during foreplay. This can be done with both clitoral stimulation as well as with penetration and allows you to learn how to “ride the wave” to orgasm. During sexual intercourse, your body is so accustomed to feeling increasingly pleasured until you reach a peak point, which is when your body orgasms. For those who have a hard time orgasming, you can trip up the body into enjoying the pleasure more by being a bit more spontaneous with it. As the pleasure builds, have your partner hold off for ten to fifteen seconds, then resume at a slightly gentler pace. Tease like this, over and over again, until your body is begging for your partner to hit you hard with pleasure. You’re far more likely to hit an orgasm with this, so long as you stay in tune with the pleasure you are experiencing. Why does this work? You are extending the pleasure sensation.

 

  1.  Heard of Your Pelvic Floor? Strengthen It!  Strengthening your pelvic floor can help improve your sexual sensations and ease any pain that is felt during sexual intercourse. They can also help you have stronger orgasms and minimise any negative side effects of getting older like vaginal dryness, discharge, irritations, and the thinning of your vaginal lining. Kegel exercisers are a great place to start.

 

So, What’s the Takeaway?

 

While you may not be able to have an orgasm just yet, engaging in any of these tips above will be a step in the right direction. The key with orgasms is that they are a very personal experience and you need to be comfortable having one, and as much as you may want one, if you do not have full trust in your body’s ability to feel, understand, and enjoy pleasure, it just will not happen. Your partner cannot “give” you an orgasm and it is not something that you can make yourself do, but is instead a direct result of your emotional, physical, and mental state. If you can let go of your negative thoughts, relax during the intercourse, and become comfortable with the ins and outs of your body, you’ll have much greater success.

 

Please bear in mind that these tips are not a “cure all” and are being recommended based around commonly cited reasons for why women find it hard to orgasm. There are a lot of variables that can prevent a woman from orgasming and until those variables are sorted out, playtime in the bedroom could be hindered. So please make sure that you are taking care of yourself both physically and mentally, and that you are in a strong, encouraging, and confident relationship with both yourself and your partner.