Sensate Focus is a great practice for couples who may be experiencing low libido issues or difficulty reaching orgasm through intercourse. It's a therapy that helps ignite sensuality and introduce new pleasurable sensations. The aim is to take the pressure off the usual goal of sex, which is to reach orgasm, and instead simply concentrating on just things that feel good, focusing purely on what sensations feel pleasurable for both you and your partner.
When you remove the pressure of expectations of reaching climax you can take the time to indulge in sensual touching, re-connection, feeling, experiencing each other’s bodies. You take turns in touching, stroking, massaging each other and learn how to communicate with each other about what feels the best and to really bring sensuality into the picture.
Setting the mood & the session…
For a sensate focus session, it's nice to start out by setting the mood. Create a zone where you can feel comfortable and relaxed, a warm room, comfy blankets and lighting some candles are a good way to create a sensual environment. Then you can begin by slowly undressing each other, your movements should be slow and deliberate, like you're unwrapping a precious gift. Once naked then one of you lies down in a comfortable position, this person is who we'll call the 'receiver' and the partner takes the role of the 'giver'. The giver starts by touching the receiver’s body, not attempting to specifically stimulate the receiver but aiming to explore their body, becoming aware of the different curves, warmer and cooler areas of skin, and the feel of various skin textures over different parts of the body. For the first few sessions there should be no stimulation of the genitals or breasts and no attempts to engage in sex. The aim is to focus on sensuality rather than sexuality and at communicating to your partner as to what feels good, what feels the best, as well as what doesn't feel good. This allows your partner to learn which areas are going to bring you the most pleasure as well as knowing which areas to avoid as they might not be pleasant for you.
You can make suggestions to the giver as to how much or how little pressure feels the nicest, whether you like light stroking with the fingertips or the running of a flat hand over certain areas. It’s really important to try to focus and stay in the moment and attempt to totally connect your mind with your body and experience every sensation to the fullest. After 5 or so minutes, you may then swap roles and the giver becomes the receiver and vice-versa. Following the same principles of touch and talk, you may then experience the touching aspect and learn more about your partner’s body and how best to stimulate them.
Mutual sensate focus is also a pleasurable and more intimate experience, you can touch and stroke each other simultaneously, continuing to keep the communication flowing and share in a state of heightened sensation. You can be surprisingly satisfied from a session of pure intimacy and pleasurable experiences as a session of sensate focus isn't intended to lead to sex, it's about sensation awareness, communicating and learning about giving and receiving sensual experiences.
Let things progress naturally...
After your initial few sessions you can then start to stimulate each other’s erogenous areas, the genitals, anus and breasts, keeping up the communication on what feels best. You then can begin to experiment different ways to enhance the pleasurable sensations as you come to know each other’s bodies better and how to stimulate each other in the most pleasurable ways, this can then be worked into sexual activity and intercourse and lead to further exploration and experimentation. Introducing toys to bring a different sensation to the areas you know your partner experiences the most pleasure from is a great way to experiment and always keeping the communication active. This means that the experience is consistently about mutual pleasure.
By having this new connection and knowing the areas to focus on that give your partner the most pleasure, the likelihood of orgasm increases and sex becomes such an intense, sensual, pleasurable journey with greater meaning. Openly communicating has a flow on effect that can be incorporated into and improve everyday life. From there, the possibilities are endless and it's all about keeping the momentum going. One could compare it to growing a beautiful garden. It's important to keep up the maintenance for it to stay beautiful and healthy as that's an ideal sex life, one that's beautiful and healthy.