Understanding BDSM Are You Ready For It - Randy Fox

After watching the iconic “Fifty Shades” franchise on the silver screen, you probably became interesting in what Christian and Anastasia have been doing. But here’s the challenge. Understanding BDSM is tough if the movie is the only reference you have. There’s plenty you need to learn about this expansive topic. After this article, we will get to this question - Are you really ready for it?

What is BDSM?

Man with a Whip Holding a Lady - Randy FoxWe’ve been hearing the term BDSM tossed around here and there, but what does it really mean? Sex educator, instructor, and coach Lola Jean weighs in on the topic, defining what it is and what it is not.

If we were to break it down as an acronym, BDSM stands for Bondage/ Discipline, Dominance/ Submission, and Sadism/ Masochism. Basing from that definition, it refers to when certain rules are set, when one acts as the master, and, in extreme cases, have a bit of pleasurable pain in the mix. So in a way, BDSM is that giant umbrella that covers all three kinky practices. A couple can practice just one of the three, or all three at the same time.

What it isn’t, however, is what has been the stereotypical definition for those who aren’t well-informed about it - an overblown sexual act that promotes abuse, humiliation, and physical harm. Just like vanilla sex, BDSM is about consent. You do not get tied to a bed frame without you approving it. As the submissive partner, you don’t just follow orders, rather you let the dominant one know what you’re willing to do. You push boundaries, but not go over them. You may allow some playful pain, but not in a way that it becomes mutilating. And it doesn’t help that the media portrays BDSM as some odd, inhumane kink.

More Facts About BDSM

Well, now that we got that out of the way, care to learn more? Here are some interesting trivia about BDSM. Take down notes, people!

Woman in a Corset and Cuffs - Randy FoxBDSM Doesn’t Always Lead to Sex

That must have surprised you, huh? While BDSM could lead to sex, it doesn’t always have to. You may find relief in just the sensuality of it and not necessarily have to go into intercourse. That’s why BDSM encounters are called “scenes,” and not a hook-up. Interesting, don’t you think?

It’s a Normal Expression of Sexuality

BDSM practitioners are often branded as freaks because they do things that other people normally wouldn’t do. But just because you don’t indulge in the same fantasies doesn’t make them sick! It’s a normal expression of sexuality, and it varies from one person to another. Remember when we talked about weird sex practices around the world? We respect their tradition, and we should do the same when thinking about BDSM.

It Requires Learning and Proper Information

Because BDSM is a practice that not everyone does, you have to be well-informed to do it. For example, don’t take Rihanna’s words that it’s just about chains and whips. There’s more to the practice than just those. And in case you still want to try them anyway, learn where you should not use them, like, obviously, the eyes, and over the kidney area. It could go south real quick, and that’s when the fun ends.

You Can Always Say No

While BDSM requires pre-negotiation so you both know what you like, you can always say no midway when you’re not comfortable. Remember, it’s still all about consent. You shouldn’t be allowing anything that you feel is something you don’t want to do. That’s precisely why you have what they call a “safe word” - yes, that exists! Word of advice, though - make sure that your safe word is not hard to say, or else you’re going to get wrecked, like that scene in the 2004 film, “Eurotrip!”


There’s What You Call an Aftercare

If you happen to go into BDSM lair, never, and we mean NEVER ever mention “50 Shades.” The reason for this is because it has not once depicted any sort of aftercare. Aftercare to BDSM is what cuddling is to intercourse - it’s that time when you communicate, bond, and connect on a more emotional level. You ask each other how you truly felt about the scene. Did the experience satisfy both parties? Are there things that you probably wouldn’t like to happen again? It’s when you show you truly care about your partner - and that’s something left out in the films.

Are You Ready for It?

Alrighty, now enough about the definition of BDSM. This should be enough information for you to understand it better. Now the question is, are you ready for it? Here are a few telltale signs that are green flags to trying it at least once!

Red Queen Costume with Whip - Randy FoxYou’re Getting Bored with the Usual

Ready for sex once more? Sure! But are the usual positions giving you a bad case of yawns and boredom? If so, it may be time to up the ante. The thought of using BDSM toys brings stars to your eyes. It’s not bad to want to try something new, and again, remember, BDSM isn’t necessarily freaky. You play at your own pace.

Rough Sex is Interesting to You

If you’re someone who has said the words, “Bite my neck, I love it when you do that,” “I’ve been bad, I need you to punish me, I deserve to be punished,” or “I like it hard, give it to me, yes, more, give me some of that,” then there’s a high chance you would love BDSM! And don’t worry, we don’t judge. Live your truth!

You Like Experimenting With the Senses

BDSM isn’t just about being rough. Sometimes, it can be as subtle as guiding an ice cube from your partner’s neck down to the navel area. And then you like to amp it up by blocking your partner’s sense of sight through a blindfold, and even go as far as cuffing him/ her so that you can play with how your partner reacts to different sensations. If this sounds familiar, then BDSM might be worth a try - or you’re already doing it!

Seeing Your Partner’s O-Face Gives You Life

Don’t you love it when you see your partner’s facial reaction when he/ she climaxes? Or the way he/ she moans and differs with intensity gives you a certain high? If you love pleasuring your partner and you enjoy it deeply, chances are you would love how BDSM can further heighten the whole experience. You love the way your partner savours the moment, and you live for it.

You’re Browsing BDSM Topics

The fact that you’re reading this article (and you’re already close to the end of the topic) is a no-brainer that tells you you’re into BDSM! You research and try to learn as much about it, and that’s absolutely a great thing. Like we’ve mentioned, BDSM requires learning, and you’re doing it now. You’re halfway there! And since we’ve already discussed the truths behind it, it should give you an assurance that no, it’s not all pain, not freaky - it’s normal.

Everyday, we learn something new about our own sexuality. We shouldn’t be afraid to express it. If BDSM feels like a good way to show it, then by all means, do it! We got your back. (wink!)

Understanding BDSM Are You Ready For It Infographic - Randy Fox